When I was looking back at this week's photos, my heart was just bursting at the seams with all the love I have for my little Nora. She is so happy and radiant and full of life. On Thursday, she finally turned a corner after being sick last week and stopped being so clingy and whiny. I was beginning to think she was going to go through a bad phase there, but luckily, it must have been the tail end of whatever she had come down with. Since then, she has been more giggly and smiley and happy than I have ever seen her. She belly laughs and talks non stop, hugs, cuddles, smiles, plays, waves and gets more adorable by the minute. Mr. Tweedle and I have stars in our eyes all day everyday.
We don't have stars in our eyes at night, however, as the monkey is just not going back to her usual habit of sleeping through the night. I am getting tired. She has been up several times in the last few nights and I am having a hard time deciding what to do. I know that logically, she is old enough that she shouldn't have to eat at night anymore, but going in to see her and not feeding her seems cruel. If Tom goes in, she gets even more mad and cries louder. If I feed her, she falls asleep on the boob and I can put her back to bed, which sounds nice and all, but I would really like an 8 hour sleep and I'm sure it would be good for her too. If we leave her in bed when she wakes and neither of us goes in to see her, I lay there wondering if something is wrong and then I feel guilty for not checking her- what if she has a dirty diaper? What if she has a fever? What if she is cold? Maybe she had a bad dream... and it goes on. I think the sleep books would tell us that the father should go in and check and then let them cry it out. I am willing to do this, but I know it will be hard and Nora will not like it, I will lose a few nights sleep, and we will all be grumpy for a couple of days. We just need to pick a night and do it. I'll keep you posted.
This weekend Tom was playing in a hockey tournament and not around for most of the weekend. He was out with his friends both nights, home late and gone again fairly early both mornings. I had things I wanted to do too. My sister and her fiancé were out here skiing, as well as a party I wanted to go to. It was the first time I felt a little jealous about not being foot loose and fancy free like I used to be. I was a little resentful that Tom got to just drink beer and eat pizza and not think about Nora for a couple of days. I wanted to go spend a day with my friends on the ski hill and eat appies and drink wine afterwards too! But I was stuck at home with Nora. I struggled with the guilt of wanting to do these things, but not wanting to leave Nora for a whole day, and mourned the loss of my social life. I had a pity party for myself and then looked at my smiling wonder and tickled her toes and she laughed at me and I felt better. I'll do those things again someday. This time next year, it will be a whole different kettle of fish. We will be able to get babysitters for more than an hour or two.
Amongst some of my child-less friends there is a growing sentiment that kids ruin your life as you know it. They think you never get time for yourself anymore, you can't just up and have a crazy night out on the town or go on a trip on a whim or change plans at the last minute. They think they may hate their husbands for being able to do these things or resent their babies for taking away their ability to get tipsy and sing karaoke on a Thursday night. It's true that this may happen momentarily, they may feel this way for a brief moment, but if I could make them see how much joy and light Nora brings to my life every minute of every day and if they could feel it too, they would change their minds in an instant. You always hear that motherhood is amazing and wonderful and that mother's love is like nothing else, but until you experience it, you really don't get it. It's like having Christmas morning every morning- I get the best Christmas present I have ever had every morning when I go to Nora's crib. And yes, I can't get on a flight to Vegas tomorrow and go out dancing all night, but I am happier and I feel better and more fulfilled than I have ever felt. Plus, I haven't had a wine-induced headache in over a year, which also helps ;)
|Nora's rocking her newest Bluebird Bonnet. Head on over to Megan's Etsy shop to check out some of her latest designs!|
So although I wasn't the happiest camper this weekend, thinking about all the things I was missing out on, I was still pretty darn happy and even happier when Tom got up on Sunday with a headache and I hopped out of bed like a boss and giggled with my little girl :))